I have been using self-hypnosis since I was a little kid. As a child when I heard my parents fighting; I would fantasize being the daughter of loving kind caring and in love parents who never yelled at each other or at me. I went from there to fantasizing positive stories about myself when-ever I felt scared. When I was really scared, I would whistle a happy tune, in my head, from the King and I, “whenever I am afraid, I whistle a happy tune and hold my head erect and no one ever knows I’m afraid!”. It worked.
I continued using stories to move out of painful or difficult situations until I became an adult and then what I was doing wasn’t working so well.
I remember once after having a fight with my boyfriend, most of the fights came from my fear of being left, which was ironic since when I felt afraid I would become angry and all he wanted to do was get away from me. While all I wanted was for him to hold me but my anger was coming out of me in violent bursts and I saw myself as a giant cactus with lots of sharp spines. I felt sad because I knew he didn’t feel safe getting too physically close to me. That picture really helped me to understand how I needed to change so I could have a conversation about what was bothering me rather than a fight that ended with a winner and a loser.
I was angry that I was afraid of everything! I mean really what’s a kid to do when they are told that the world is a scary place and people want to hurt you? I was angry at my parents for instilling that fear in me and I was angry at them for not helping me get over it. (Yea I know how did I expect people who were themselves afraid to teach me to not be afraid??).
Anger is not always rational!! It can be helpful or it can be destructive. I was more inclined to anger than sadness. Sadness made me feel weak and needy. Anger, on the other hand felt strong and powerful and full of energy. It was exhausting, but for me, way better than afraid or sad.
With hypnosis I learned to allow my fear and sadness in and to really feel it and sit with it. That helped a lot to lessen my angry outbursts but I still had to learn to be curious rather than judgmental and to not have expectations for others. Because when those expectations were not met, I would become angry, as if they were behaving in a way to purposefully hurt me. And that’ another point I want to make when I was quick to anger, I found lots to get angry about. I saw almost everything as an affront to me. It was, according to me, all about me.
Hypnosis allowed me to change this slanted and unhelpful view. I was able to see myself from a different perspective and to feel my feelings and then let it go. There wasn’t anything I needed to do other than recognize the pattern and change it. I no longer use my anger as a tool to keep others in line or to protect myself. I get it now. I don’t need protection I need to love myself and open my heart to others. We all want the same things; to be understood and to be loved, unconditionally. The fear didn’t go away but I have learned to accept it and use it in productive ways. Me and fear we’re buddies. I know when she shows up I need to slow down and take a closer look, pay attention and proceed with caution, which is way better than getting mad or allowing the fear to stop me from going forward.
Hypnosis helped to reacquaint me with my loveable little girl who brings me joy and fun and laughter. And in turn I am the adult taking care of business and dealing with the grown-up emotions and dealings of everyday life with a mastery my little one didn’t have.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Wishing you less anger and more joy in your life!